I have been meaning to update for awhile but every time I start I get caught up in something else and forget to blog entirely. Life has been pretty bearable these days. Not incredible, fantastic or on the flip side horrible and depressing, just bearable. Strangely work has made it that way, it has been pretty crazy lately so all I do is work and vegetate in front of my laptop/tv. Sometimes I wonder if life will ever be more than bearable. You know some people who are just happy? Like happy all the time. I mean yes they have their days but they are generally just happy people. I have no idea what that feels like. Or maybe I am happy and don't realise it? I dunno but I want my life to be more than just bearable.
Since I've been living in this new country I realise two things. I want to change careers and I want to move again. I also want to go back to grad school but I'm finding myself reluctant to study for the GRE. This is what I don't understand about myself. I always say I want this this and this yet I am never committed enough to work towards it and then December 31st rolls around and I see another year wasted. 2010 was supposed to be a year of action for me but something keeps holding me back from making the first step. Well that's not entirely true, I have gotten out of my comfort zone a few times since I've been here. I just need to do it more.
Boys & Relationships. Well I'm still single (big surprise). Usually summer is the time I meet guys (around May/June) and things begin to fizzle out around August. This year that hasn't happened which can either be a good or bad thing. I am looking at it as a good thing, maybe something more substantial is coming along? I have to start looking at things that way or else depression will take over. Another friend of mine got engaged just 2 days ago. I'm beginning to see a trend, a lot of people I know are either getting into serious relationships or getting engaged or married. I mean it is that time I suppose, we are heading into our mid twenties soon. When I hear news that a friend has decided to spend her life with her significant other, conflicting feelings arise. Of course I am happy and excited for that friend but I also feel a pinch of worry. I haven't had a first boyfriend yet much less an engagement.
I was talking to my cousin last night and she told me about her friend, she's 45 and never had a boyfriend. And she believes that its one of the contributing factors of her going mad (yes locked up in a padded room mad). When I hear the story I feel sorry for the friend because I can understand how loneliness can chip away at one's sanity. I reallllyyy don't want one of my friend's telling a story like that about me 20 years from now. In fact let me not even think about that.
You know what? I don't even need to have a relationship right now. That's okay. I would just like to know that SOMEDAY preferably soon it will happen. That one day I too will be able to announce my engagement rather than live vicariously through a fb friend. That's all.
7 comments:
Nice to see an update from you :). I know what you mean about being happy. I have no idea either what it's like to be perpetually happy and I know a few people who seem to be that way. Life is really good for me right now and after all that's happened in the last months I can say I am happy, but it's not all-encompassing for every aspect of my life. I do hope you find your happiness soon though and can move on from "bearable".
I also know what you mean about wanting to get out there and do new things, to progress, but yet another year passes without making that first step. Making that step is no doubt the hardest though and it's just finding the motivation to get there. But the question is where do you find it lol?
As for relationships, sometimes they do just happen when you're not looking and I hope sooner rather than later that a guy will come knocking at your door too!
Thanks silencio1! I'm glad things are going well for you, it's always good to read how well a fellow blogger is doing. It gives me hope :p . You are so right about that motivation. I think I just need a push sometimes. Most of the time when I am out of my comfort zone (doesn't happen very often) it's because I'm being forced too or someone is pushing me.
But anyways I'm looking forward to an update from you! I hope you write soon :)
i suppose bearable is a good place to start... better than it being horrible and depressing. i think you living in the new country has already pushed you out of your comfort zone so maybe when you find something important enough to you, you will commit to it and make the change. it's just bout the right thing, timing and frame of mind. i think that kinda works sorta the same as relationships too. hope all gets even better for you.
thanks for the support jo :). i agree when something is important enough i will commit to it (i mean i have done it before). i guess i just got to find out whats really important to me.
please please keep posted and thanks for the update;)
hi healy, thanks for reading and i will post soon! i was just waiting for something interesting to happen :p.
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