It has been a few weeks and some Sundays since I've blogged. During that time I have gone through quite a lot. Started a new job, recently quit, and decided to move to a new country entirely. I am leaving in 2 weeks exactly. I'm nervous, scared, happy, excited, worried and concerned. I am getting a fresh start. Yes, everyone is getting a fresh start, we'll soon be entering a new decade. But I mean I really get a fresh start. I get to move to a new country where few people know me and start over. I want things to go smoothly, I want things to be different. I want to not mess this up. But I am so scared nothing's going to change. I heard this saying and I believe it "If nothing changes, nothing changes". In effect, if I don't change, I can't expect things to be different. So lately I've been analysing myself (like I don't do that enough) and I know my flaws and I know what I need to do to change them. For example, I am a procrastinator. I know alot of people say this proudly. But I really am one, I don't do anything unless I absolutely have to. Until it has gotten to a point where it is utterly unbearable and urgent and if I don't do something there will be dire consequences. I was never concerned about this trait but lately I realize how badly it has affected my life. Hence the reason I blog like once in a blue moon. I only blog when I feel I absolutely have to say something. I know I need to change this trait to accomplish certain things in my life but I can't seem to get started.
I also can't seem to get started on preventing myself from self-medicating with food. For the last 4 months or so I have noticed that I have started using food as a coping device. I use it as an emotional crutch, and it is not exactly helping my body or my health. I need to stop but I haven't been able to do that successfully yet. Which I guess means I am not dealing with the root cause, my emotional issues. I want to get a whole of this before I move, which I know is a bit unrealistic. As I write this blog I realize its like I want to get perfect before I move. But being perfect is an elusive goal, ain't going to happen. So I have to deal with things as they are.
I know I am jumping all over the place but I'm just saying what I'm feeling. Have any of you ever felt like you observe too much? Sometimes I feel like a voyeur, like I spend ridiculous amounts of time observing and analysing different people's lives. Like I get so interested in their life, I just have to know what's going on with them. Meanwhile my own personal life is suffering severely because I haven't taken time to really groom my life in the way I want it to go. I'm concerned I won't be able to have a meaningful relationship of my own because I am too busy observing everybody else's relationship. Hence I probably need to stop spending so much time searching people out on fb and spend more time living my own life.
So I guess there are three things I really want to accomplish: minimize my procrastination, get control of my emotional eating and stop being a nosey voyeur and start having a life of my own. We'll see how it goes. Alright folks that's all for now, until next time.
6 comments:
these changes and the things you've identified that you would want to accomplish sounds good. and moving to a new country seems exciting and scary. have yourself a happy new year.
Best of luck with the move to the new country.
And a happy new year to you :)
Wow, a new country! Best of luck to you with that. How exciting. I know you don't want to screw anything else, but you can't learn anything unless you make mistakes. That's what makes us grow as human beings I believe.
Living in a new country will be a great experience! Exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time, but I'm sure it will be worth it. I know what you mean about self-medicating with food (something I do far too much of when I should be dealing with the emotional issues lying underneath) and feeling like you are just an observer of life rather than a participator. I feel like all I've done with my life is watch other peoples' when really I should be living my own. But it sounds to me like you really are living your own as a you start over in a new place.
I go through my phases of voyeurism too. It's usually with people who live (in my opinion) really great lives. Sometimes it gets a little unhealthy and I have to shake myself out of it :)
Good luck with your move and your new start. It's such an awesome way to start out the new decade.
thanks guys for all the well wishes :). as of now i have moved, im hoping to do a follow up post soon!
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